I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
