I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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