We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
