so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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