But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
