Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
