And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
