hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
