the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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