There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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