I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
