YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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