Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
