Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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