No awkward lesbian experiences without me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
