She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
