Can i not drive my cunt home
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
