just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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