You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
