marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
be right there i have to get my cape
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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