Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
