Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
