reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
