Midget sex pt 2 tonight
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
