Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
