i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
