During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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