News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
