Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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