Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
