Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
