you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize