y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
