i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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