last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
