Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
