well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
is wine microwaveable?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
