if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
