look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
