I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
