apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I take back everything I said about communal showers
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
