It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
