I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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