im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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