so explain again why im purple
no
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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