come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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