Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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