It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
