please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
