so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
