According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
