I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
