Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
