I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
