sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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