Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
