I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
