Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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