well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm really busy with my period
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