Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
