this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So here I am, sexting at work.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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