I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
