What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
is it fun? or sober?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
