Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
