it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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