WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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